why are you still single???….

I have been in the dating game for quite some time, during this time I’ve been asked the question “why are you still single?” I’ve never really known how to answer this, nor have I ever really cared to. However one night I was in one of my over analytical moods, and the question popped up in my head, and I felt compelled to break it down so that the next time someone asks me this question, I can direct them here. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I am astounded that in a city with millions of people there is not one person out there that I deem as “dateable”. In speaking with some friends, I have heard the ol “you’re just too picky” response. I entertained that idea for a while, until I came to the conclusion that no, I’m not. I have my reasons for why things don’t work out with people and many people may think my reasons are absurd, and I suppose from someone else’s perspective I am, from my own I feel everything I say and do is justified to who I am.  For example if I were to meet someone named “Frejlic” my first instinct would be, to not date him because the “j” and the “i” really fuck with my eyes. Realistically how am I suppose to write his name with hearts if I can’t even look at his name?? Also, do you pronounce the J or is it silent? Which leads me to assume Frejlic may have an accent. Most girls love a man with an accent, I on the other hand am forbidden to love a man with an accent. In fact, with the exception of Australian, English and Irish accents, I believe I am quite allergic to them. I haven’t ever had an allergy test but I am quite certain if I were to be tested, you would find accents right there on the top of the list, along with brussel sprouts, curry, and mushrooms. In other words dating Frejlic would actually be hazardous to my health, which is equal to a valid reason in my books, and I’m sure you will all agree.

With that out-of-the-way, let’s assume I met someone else named Dave. Dave is attractive, has no accent, his name is not complicated, score! However, Dave knows this about himself and becomes cocky, and thinks “well, I’m the cat’s meow, so why should I have to settle with one woman, when I can have my pick of the litter any night I want” and he becomes one of those “I’m too good to settle down” type of guys and ends up being single til he’s 47, and then ends up married to someone who makes him miserable because he’s frustrated at himself for not settling down when he had the chance. This quality found in a majority of men these days I am also, deathly allergic to.

So, in answer to the question “why are you still single?” It’s because I choose to be, to avoid the torture of living my last moments on earth with hives, a swollen face, followed by a slow gruelling death.