Moses VS Vitamin P: Infiltration

Posted in Moses Vs Vitamin P with tags , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2017 by fromthenuthousewithlove

It’s been a few years since my last encounter with Moses, or one of his minions. I was under the assumption that he was either incarcerated, dead, or had become so enraged at his inability to defeat me that he developed a drinking problem which rendered him weak, unable to think clearly, and eventually caused him to lose all interest in our war. Turns out, all those sayings about how you shouldn’t assume, are correct, and I found that out by nearly having my family destroyed.
It was a beautiful evening, and the man I have chosen to give my love to (which makes him, The Chosen One) was sitting across from me in our villa by the lake. Our two dogs, Luna and Odin by our feet resting after a long walk and Lint (The Destroyer) standing guard at the edge of the balcony, keeping watch as she has done for the last 16 years. She’s an integral part of the team which is why I have entrusted her to train Luna and Odin, because she’s planning on retiring and well, after this night, it’s obvious I need protection.
As peaceful as the evening was, something felt off. I should have trusted myself, but the warrior in me was as faded as the ink gets on gas station receipts.  I should have trusted Lint, when I saw her stare blankly at nothing, as she does when something is afoot, but I ignored her warning stare. I ignored the boiling inferno within me, and that’s when I felt it. A light tap between my shoulder blades. That was all it took for all the memories of my past to come flooding back to me and send me into a frenzying fury! I turned to The Chosen One, “prepare to defend my honor” I said in my warrior voice, which is a tone he has never heard before. This left him puzzled, “I am under attack, we must prepare for battle” I added for clarification, because this chosen one sometimes requires repetition. The Chosen One looks at me, as if I were crazy “what are you talking about? sit down, relax” and folks, I gotta tell you, if eye-rolling had a sound effect, that would be the tone his voice had taken. This had me concerned, because having someone labeled as “The Chosen One” you would expect them to be a little more in sync with what is going on, but I had to take into consideration that perhaps he has not yet been made aware of his title, or what it means. Which meant that there was a good chance I was going to be on my own in this battle.
Inside my living room I began to search for my provisions, because I hadn’t used them in quite some time I was having a difficult time locating them. I was just about to ask The Chosen One if he had by chance seen a spray bottle of blue liquid almost identical to a Windex bottle when I felt it. A tap followed by a vibration down my spine. This sensation was quite foreign to me. Was this going to be the end of me!? I panicked. I turned to The Chosen one and asked him to perform a full body scan on me. He looked at me and laughed and told me I was crazy. This was not boding well for me, I was starting to question if he was a minion of Moses undercover sent to infiltrate my home by gaining my trust and distracting me from my true mission.
I felt the vibration again, only this time it went down to my lower back which resulted in an uncontrollable wave of body spasms. The Chosen One, still laughing decided to humour me, looked down the back of my tank top and assured me nothing was there. I wanted to believe him. I really did, but the problem with being a top level warrior such as myself is you can’t just believe someone when you know your senses don’t lie. He must have noticed the unpleasant expression on my face because he then told me to remove my upper garments so that he could have a better look. I obliged, he examined my back, reportedly found nothing, and walked away shaking his head “It’s probably just the tag from your shirt” he stated, boldly.
I considered that for a moment, perhaps I was going crazy, perhaps all my years of being a warrior has affected my brain. Just as I had come to the conclusion that he could be right, I felt the same sensation again, on the cheek of *gulp*…my butt. I swung my arm around and bunched my pants and underwear in my hand, and stood there not knowing what to do. This was definitely NOT my imagination. I was being bugged. Moses sent one of his minions out to plant a recording device so he could spy on me.
The Chosen One entered the room and saw me standing in this awkward position, both pants and underwear have managed to shimmy down to the knees. My hand still clenching the bunch from behind and im bent over examining the inner workings of my panties, looking for the wire. I hear laughter in the distance, but I ignore it and make my way stealthily to the bathroom. I crush the bunch I am holding with my bear hand, and when I let go…out he fell, a June bug. He presented me with a little note, before he took his last breath. “I’m back”…

lovesick girl…

Posted in Love and Relations with tags , , , on February 23, 2017 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I’ve dated real “winners” in my day, and I’ll tell you all about each of these precious beings in future posts so be sure to keep an eye out for them, for now I’m going to focus on how my whole roller coaster ride of relationships began. Now keep in mind, I was what I self-diagnosed myself as “Love-sick”. What I mean by that is, all I ever wanted out of life, was to find my one true love. To get married, and be happy (notice I didn’t mention kids!!!). I don’t know why I was this way to be honest. I think it may have to do with the fact that I was brought up to believe that I wasn’t allowed to move out of the house unless I was married, so I associated being married with the freedom to live my own life.
So off course, this gal sets herself on a mission to find her “one true love” (when I say that in my head, I think it’s important you know that I have Ursula’s voice from The Little Mermaid saying “the kiss of true love” and then it breaks off into the whole “you’ll have your looks, your pretty face” song, don’t ask). I didn’t know what qualities I wanted in my future husband, I just knew that I wanted to be married and out of the house by the age of 20. Being 16 at the time, I figured 4 years would have been plenty of time to meet someone and get to know them, but I had to act fast. Meeting someone in school wasn’t very promising, I mean I had my crushes, believe me I did. I never talked to them though, in fact they never even knew I existed. I was in “love” with them from afar. I would doodle their names on pieces of paper, I would figure out their schedule and just sort of casually meet my friends in the same areas and sneak glances, and I never DARED tell anyone who I liked. If I did my crush might find out, and I just couldn’t risk it. In fact, I went as far as telling my friends I was crushing on someone else, just to steer them away from the truth. Yes, I was that terrified. Now I could be wrong, but I feel like younger generations may not actually understand what personal anguish it was to have your crush find out you like them, and them not like you back. It ruined the whole fantasy because then it was almost like you couldn’t like them anymore, because you lost the hope that they would like you back. That’s a shitty fantasy, and to a girl like younger me, it was downright terrifying, because how the hell was I going to make a wedding happen at this rate?!?! This was going to be the beginning of what at the time seemed to be an endless search. I barely even started.
Needless to say, I never met my one true love in high school, and I never got married at the age of 20 like I had planned, or 25…or even 30…hell, I’m still not married. I did meet the love of my life though, and I learned things about myself along the way. Important things, that everyone should learn about themselves before getting married. So if I had to go back now, to the age of 16, I would definitely have a different set of priorities, and if someone would have actually proposed to me, at that age, well they’d get a hard no, but thanks for playing.

 

the “hate-it” list (volume 2)…

Posted in Things that peeve me with tags , , , , on November 24, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Where the hell have I been the last 6 months? well, no where interesting. I’m here now though, because I have to add a fourth item to my list of things I hate. In the first volume, I had 3 items in one post, this one will be more focused and will only have 1. What can I possibly hate so much that deserves an entire post dedicated to my hatred for it? Well read on and find out! I’ll give you a hint, it’s not coffee.
What I get when I do order my coffee is another story, because when I do make a coffee purchase, from a coffee shop, I want to be able to tell them what I want, and have them make it for me. If I have to add my own cream/milk and sugar and pay over $2 a cup. That’s when I have a problem. It irritates me for two reasons, the first being the more obvious one…that I’m paying for it and have to “fix it” myself. I mean, come on, it’s not like you’re prices are cheap to begin with. I feel like I should be compensated for all this free manual labour I am providing. What next?, I’ll order a breakfast sandwich and have to add my own toppings? Do it yourself coffee is not an appealing scenario for me, because in that case, I would just make it at home. So instead of complaining about it, then why don’t I? That’s why I pay someone and have it done for me, sheesh, get off my tits!
The second one is, that I can never get the proper coffee to cream ratio. Certain establishments, and by using that term I am referring to the ones that give you what you pay for. They use little dispensers, that in my opinion deposit the most desirable amount of milk, cream or sugar. However when you do it yourself, you’re stuck with packets of sugar that you can only assume will be enough, so let’s say I normally order a double double. That would inform the “barista” that I would like 2 creams, and 2 sugars. Simple, easy, efficient. If I go into a shop where I have to add my own sugar, 2 packets of sugar does absolutely nothing, so I’ll add 2 more, which brings my total up to 4 packets and still my whole entire mouth is filled with complete bitterness. Now I don’t know if that bitterness is related to the fact that I have to pay someone to provide my own services. Or if the sugar packet to sugar dispenser ratio needs some tweaking. Either way, it’s disappointment with every sip.
You think that’s bad, I then try adding my own cream or milk with those big ass cartons they have set up for you. Which I don’t know about you but sometimes I wonder how many people have actually put their mouth on that carton and taken a sip, but I can only hope that my imagination is running on fast forward with that thought. Sometimes if you’re lucky instead of a carton you get those little mini buckets with the peel off lid. I feel safer using those, but I mean then I’m standing there for 20 minute because I have to go through like 40 of them to get my desired shade. Which, even when reaching that shade, is still a gamble, and what happens when you gamble? you lose.

so…i failed my challenge…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge, Life with tags , , , , , on May 9, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Ok, so I failed my 30 day writing challenge. I did learn a valuable lesson though, I learned that my weekends consist of jam packing 7 days worth of events into two, twelve hour periods. It was unrealistic of me to think I could successfully write for 30 consecutive days. Now I’m not saying that it can’t be done by anyone…it just can’t be done by me. I’ve always been the kind of girl who bites off more than she can chew, though so I can see how I’ve gotten myself into this kerfuffle.
I’m not heartbroken about it though. To be honest, it was getting to the point where I was forcing myself to write even though I didn’t feel like it, and that’s not me. I need to be in the mood, I need to have the passion to get me through the end of the post. If I don’t feel it all the way to the end, then it’s not worth my writing. Also, I’m not saying I’m gonna stop writing. It just wont be every day. So for those of you that were rooting for me, I’m sorry, but life is something that happens no matter what you do to avoid it. Believe me, I’ve tried avoiding it, I still am actually but my plan never seems to work.
Any who, happy Monday folks! Tune in next time when I talk about something ridiculous!

 

day 6: this post will probably bore you…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge, Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , on May 6, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I didn’t feel like writing about any topic in particular today. It’s Friday, and it’s a beautiful day, and all I want to be doing right now is the opposite of what I have to be doing right now, which is being at work. I have a million thoughts running through my head today and none of them are in order.
“I wanna go swimming”
“I should try out that new make up I bought the other day”
“I should have gotten an iced cap instead of a coffee this morning”
“That girl is totally trying to flirt with that guy, and he doesn’t seem interested at all”
“I need a new pair of shoes”
“I should play the lottery”
“I’m hungry, I want nuggets”
These are just a few of the thoughts that ran through my head while I was outside having a smoke. I normally don’t do any form of writing when my head is all up in shambles like this but for the sake of keeping up with this challenge, here I am sharing these useless thoughts with you all.
I’m feeling anxious, and I can’t stop shaking my leg. It’s a good thing I’m not using a pen and paper to write this because with my leg shaking and the pen jumping up and down and all around would get pretty messy to read. I don’t know why I’m anxious…maybe I need the weekend to come. I can’t focus on anything for more than a second today, which makes typing this really hard for me.
It feels like my whole body wants to burst out of my skin. Not in a bad, painful way. More like in a “I’m here, look at me, I’m exciting!” kind of way. I’m not excited about anything either. You know what, I just realized what it is…it’s the sun! I think so anyway. I think I got a huge dose of Vitamin D and now my body doesn’t know what to do with all this energy and because I’m stuck at work, and my job requires no action, I don’t have anything to do with all this energy! Man it’s going to be a really long day. Hopefully this energy will stay with me til the end of my shift.
Sorry this post wasn’t that exciting folks, I will try to make tomorrow’s post twice as exciting to make up for this one. In the meantime, I’m going to try to keep my body under control because all it wants to do is sing like a maniac!

 

 

day 5: my greatest fear…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge with tags , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

When I think about fear I usually think about something like a fear of drowning, or a fear of losing a loved one. There are also phobias, which are mental conditions, which cause people to be frightened of things that most people wouldn’t consider to be frightening. For the longest time I didn’t think I had any fears or phobias. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong enough individual to get through any kind of crap that life throws at me, and believe me, life has thrown all kinds of crap right over me. I actually think life hired some sort of crap sniper to follow me around and shoot crap at me in smooth direct hit motions. The point is, I’m still standing. I’ve had many low points, but I’m still here. I’ve done what I needed to do in order to move on from each crap pile the crap sniper shot me with. So when someone would ask me what my greatest fear is, I’ve always said nothing. I don’t have any fears.

When I came to the topic of todays challenge, I actually dove deep inside myself, because there had to be something I was truly afraid of. I’m not some fearless super hero that risks her life everyday to save someone else’s, and even if I were, super hero’s have fears too. So, I took an imaginary elevator from my brain, down past my heart, right into the pit of my stomach. Where those feelings of fright start brewing. I took a walk, it was really gooey and all different shades of red. My shoe got stuck on something of a crimson colour, so I had to grab hold of some veiny type things and hoist myself out, fun times. Looking around, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, everything there had its purpose. I was just about to leave when something silver in the very far distance caught my eye, at first I didn’t think anything of it because I have terrible vision, I should wear glasses, but they broke 7 years ago and I haven’t gotten around to getting them fixed yet. I decided to check it out anyway, might as well while I’m here right? I walked over, and realized this something silver, was behind what looked like a curtain of stomach innards. I pulled them back to reveal a metal box. Not a very big one, in fact, I was able to pick it up, it was light. When I picked it up, I heard a huge clicking noise. The box unlocked.

When I opened this box, all that was in there was a little replica of my first car. A little Pontiac Sunfire, black…it even had my old license plate on it. It had all my old CD’s still on the visor, it was amazing, now I know what some of you are thinking, I’m afraid of my old car. Like the old Stephen King novel it’s going to turn into a modern day Christine. I am sorry to say but that is not the case.

I started to have flashbacks of the last day I drove my car…the accident I had gotten into. Now don’t get all concerned, it wasn’t a major accident, more like a fender bender. However, since then, I have developed a fear of the road, but here’s the kicker…I only have this fear of the road, in high volumes of traffic. That’s when I panic. I’m guessing it’s because my accident occurred during rush hour.  Now this accident happened over 10 years ago, but I have never actually been able to deal with that fear. I haven’t been able to move on from it because I just stopped driving. It’s seems so ridiculous to me though, because now that I am aware of it, I realize that I have had this fear since that day, however I hadn’t really noticed it because when you live in a large city, owning a car is more of a hassle then a necessity.

So there you have it folks, I’m afraid of traffic. I don’t even know how to begin to tackle this one, I mean I could always create a super hero character, who instead of fighting crime, fights traffic…I could call him Captain Rush (hour) because that’s the only time he’s on duty? I dunno…this could be a thing…

 

day 4: my dream job…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge, Rants, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on May 4, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I’ve thought a lot about this, and not just for the purpose of this blog either. This is a topic I have spent literally years thinking about. I have constantly been thinking about what I want to do with my life career wise, and there are so many things I would instantly trade my current job in for. When I say many, I mean that there are so many things that sound better then what I currently do for a living. Realistically speaking, my job now isn’t horrible. It’s a respectable job and it pays my rent and bills. If I’m particularly lucky I may even have a dollar or two left over to buy myself a coffee or an iced cap. However, to me, it feels horrible because it’s just not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. So if I meet someone that tells me they shovel elephant shit for a living, that is something I will actually consider for a possible career change. Shoving big heaping piles of elephant shit for some reason sounds better to me then answering phones and transferring calls.
One might ask why, which is a completely valid question. The simple answer is, that working in an office just isn’t my style. I hate the dress code that comes with working in an office, I feel ridiculous in “proper office attire”. I also feel that this dress code is completely pointless, as long as I’m getting my work done, what does it matter what I’m wearing. It does though, because in the office world, image is everything. Which brings me to my next point. I’m not one who cares about image or what people think, therefore if something I am wearing causes you to think I am a particular type of person, good for you. It really makes no difference to me what people say, because I know who I am. In the office world though, people judge you based on your appearance, which I feel is truly sad. Also, I have come to notice that in the office world being fake is the new real. You can’t speak your mind, to your co-workers or to clients. If someone pisses you off, you can’t say “Hey quit dicking around and give me that report that I’ve been asking for since last week”. No, you have to say “I know you’re busy but when you get a chance could I please have that report”. It’s bullshit. I hate bullshit, so me and the office world truly don’t mix. Which should explain to you why I’d rather shovel elephant crap for a living. Plus I think the pay is way better than what I make, so there’s another plus.
Seeing as there are no elephants in Canada anymore I am forced to cross that off my list of dream jobs, because I refuse to commute that far, and also moving to a different country is far too complicated, and I’m fairly lazy. So I suppose a job where I can sit at home in my underwear, writing nonsense such as this, would be more ideal and more fitted to the lifestyle I want to live.