Archive for lovesick

lovesick girl…

Posted in Love and Relations with tags , , , on February 23, 2017 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I’ve dated real “winners” in my day, and I’ll tell you all about each of these precious beings in future posts so be sure to keep an eye out for them, for now I’m going to focus on how my whole roller coaster ride of relationships began. Now keep in mind, I was what I self-diagnosed myself as “Love-sick”. What I mean by that is, all I ever wanted out of life, was to find my one true love. To get married, and be happy (notice I didn’t mention kids!!!). I don’t know why I was this way to be honest. I think it may have to do with the fact that I was brought up to believe that I wasn’t allowed to move out of the house unless I was married, so I associated being married with the freedom to live my own life.
So off course, this gal sets herself on a mission to find her “one true love” (when I say that in my head, I think it’s important you know that I have Ursula’s voice from The Little Mermaid saying “the kiss of true love” and then it breaks off into the whole “you’ll have your looks, your pretty face” song, don’t ask). I didn’t know what qualities I wanted in my future husband, I just knew that I wanted to be married and out of the house by the age of 20. Being 16 at the time, I figured 4 years would have been plenty of time to meet someone and get to know them, but I had to act fast. Meeting someone in school wasn’t very promising, I mean I had my crushes, believe me I did. I never talked to them though, in fact they never even knew I existed. I was in “love” with them from afar. I would doodle their names on pieces of paper, I would figure out their schedule and just sort of casually meet my friends in the same areas and sneak glances, and I never DARED tell anyone who I liked. If I did my crush might find out, and I just couldn’t risk it. In fact, I went as far as telling my friends I was crushing on someone else, just to steer them away from the truth. Yes, I was that terrified. Now I could be wrong, but I feel like younger generations may not actually understand what personal anguish it was to have your crush find out you like them, and them not like you back. It ruined the whole fantasy because then it was almost like you couldn’t like them anymore, because you lost the hope that they would like you back. That’s a shitty fantasy, and to a girl like younger me, it was downright terrifying, because how the hell was I going to make a wedding happen at this rate?!?! This was going to be the beginning of what at the time seemed to be an endless search. I barely even started.
Needless to say, I never met my one true love in high school, and I never got married at the age of 20 like I had planned, or 25…or even 30…hell, I’m still not married. I did meet the love of my life though, and I learned things about myself along the way. Important things, that everyone should learn about themselves before getting married. So if I had to go back now, to the age of 16, I would definitely have a different set of priorities, and if someone would have actually proposed to me, at that age, well they’d get a hard no, but thanks for playing.