Archive for fear

day 5: my greatest fear…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge with tags , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

When I think about fear I usually think about something like a fear of drowning, or a fear of losing a loved one. There are also phobias, which are mental conditions, which cause people to be frightened of things that most people wouldn’t consider to be frightening. For the longest time I didn’t think I had any fears or phobias. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong enough individual to get through any kind of crap that life throws at me, and believe me, life has thrown all kinds of crap right over me. I actually think life hired some sort of crap sniper to follow me around and shoot crap at me in smooth direct hit motions. The point is, I’m still standing. I’ve had many low points, but I’m still here. I’ve done what I needed to do in order to move on from each crap pile the crap sniper shot me with. So when someone would ask me what my greatest fear is, I’ve always said nothing. I don’t have any fears.

When I came to the topic of todays challenge, I actually dove deep inside myself, because there had to be something I was truly afraid of. I’m not some fearless super hero that risks her life everyday to save someone else’s, and even if I were, super hero’s have fears too. So, I took an imaginary elevator from my brain, down past my heart, right into the pit of my stomach. Where those feelings of fright start brewing. I took a walk, it was really gooey and all different shades of red. My shoe got stuck on something of a crimson colour, so I had to grab hold of some veiny type things and hoist myself out, fun times. Looking around, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, everything there had its purpose. I was just about to leave when something silver in the very far distance caught my eye, at first I didn’t think anything of it because I have terrible vision, I should wear glasses, but they broke 7 years ago and I haven’t gotten around to getting them fixed yet. I decided to check it out anyway, might as well while I’m here right? I walked over, and realized this something silver, was behind what looked like a curtain of stomach innards. I pulled them back to reveal a metal box. Not a very big one, in fact, I was able to pick it up, it was light. When I picked it up, I heard a huge clicking noise. The box unlocked.

When I opened this box, all that was in there was a little replica of my first car. A little Pontiac Sunfire, black…it even had my old license plate on it. It had all my old CD’s still on the visor, it was amazing, now I know what some of you are thinking, I’m afraid of my old car. Like the old Stephen King novel it’s going to turn into a modern day Christine. I am sorry to say but that is not the case.

I started to have flashbacks of the last day I drove my car…the accident I had gotten into. Now don’t get all concerned, it wasn’t a major accident, more like a fender bender. However, since then, I have developed a fear of the road, but here’s the kicker…I only have this fear of the road, in high volumes of traffic. That’s when I panic. I’m guessing it’s because my accident occurred during rush hour.  Now this accident happened over 10 years ago, but I have never actually been able to deal with that fear. I haven’t been able to move on from it because I just stopped driving. It’s seems so ridiculous to me though, because now that I am aware of it, I realize that I have had this fear since that day, however I hadn’t really noticed it because when you live in a large city, owning a car is more of a hassle then a necessity.

So there you have it folks, I’m afraid of traffic. I don’t even know how to begin to tackle this one, I mean I could always create a super hero character, who instead of fighting crime, fights traffic…I could call him Captain Rush (hour) because that’s the only time he’s on duty? I dunno…this could be a thing…

 

crazy little thing called fear…

Posted in Life Tips with tags , on July 23, 2012 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I choose my victims wisely. It’s not an easy task as one might think. Spotting that one person that has a low enough self-esteem to listen to everything I want them to believe. It’s amazing how even those people who come across as confident fall victim to me though, once my full charm comes into effect. Low self-esteem is not the only thing I prey on, it is by far the easiest and doesn’t use up too much of my energy because they’ve already done the prep work for me. However, I like being challenged as well. It gives me more strength when I succeed. Satisfaction even. I know you’re all thinking that I am such an evil creature, but realistically you’ve got your job to do, I’ve got mine. It’s nothing personal against any one person in particular. It just so happens that we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and our positions just so happen to clash. Sometimes I’ll even use some of you to aid me in taking down another one of your own. Again, nothing personal, it’s just how it works.
It’s funny because when you really look at our situation, yours is the stronger being. I only exist because you allow me to. Your mind creates me, and your thoughts feed me and help me grow. The more I grow, the weaker you become. Well, not really, but it’s my job to make you think you’re weak. It’s sort of a “Jedi Mind-Trick” type of process. Suddenly you’re pulling your hair out over something that normally you wouldn’t have thought twice of, but now no matter what something will go wrong either way, you’ve become unsure and start second guessing your thoughts, your ideas. Eventually the littlest things will consume you. The more consumed you get, the more power I have. It gets easier for me to do the larger I become until one day I won’t have to do anything at all. That’s when I know I’ve won. I sit back and watch you destroy yourself, your life. You stop doing things you dreamed of, you stop having goals, which leads to you feeling as though you have nothing to live for. You lose your energy and your will, you stop trying…at everything. Your spouse/family and friends will try to help you through it, but you won’t care anymore.

It’s rather ironic, because if only you’d believe in yourself with that same zest and energy, I would have never come into being. Now you have no one to blame but yourself…