Archive for the Life Category

the fartless wonder…

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , on January 12, 2018 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about farting in relationships, and so I thought I would share my story.
Before anything else, I need to share with you an experience from my childhood. It was December of 1987, I was 9 years old and the whole school was gathered in the gym to watch the choir sing Christmas carols. It was really annoying for 2 reasons, the first was we had to listen to amateurs sing songs that none of us were interested in, except for Frosty the Snowman and Jingle Bells. The second was they didn’t even give enough of a shit to provide chairs for us, so we had to sit on the cold ass gym floor, for 4 fucking hours! Needless to say, we got super restless, and instead of singing along, we all chit chatted amongst ourselves or threw ourselves on the floor dramatically, and then pretended to make snow angels.
At that age, I didn’t really have BFF’s or anything. I was just friendly with everyone but didn’t belong to a specific group. I liked it that way. Anyway the choir was singing away, it was a song I was not really familiar with, but I was sitting on my knees bopping up and down to the music, trying desperately to get into it so that I could stop being bored, when it happened. A fart had accidentally fallen out of my bum, right when the music stopped playing. This was the first time that had ever happened to me, I didn’t feel a fart coming, it just zapped out of my butthole like lightning. Of course EVERYONE turned around looking to see if they could find the disgraceful piece of shit that completely emptied the room of any Christmas spirit that was there. It was at that moment that I realized no one knew it was me. My crisis was averted! No panic was necessary, however I felt I needed to blend in with the others, so I began to look around, pretending to scout out the culprit, to keep up the façade.
I looked to my right, adjusting the expression on my face to match the others, and I looked to my left…and right there…a hand, with a finger pointing right at me, behind it was one of my classmates, with her shirt pulled up over her nose. A feeling of terror began to rise up within me, as I repeated in my mind “please, don’t say it, please don’t say it…” She pulled down her shirt and screamed “SHE FARTED!!!!!” and then everyone’s eyes were on me. I don’t know how many shades of red exist in the colour spectrum, but I can assure you I went through each and every one of them. Everyone laughed, and pointed. I of course did my best to deny it, I even went to the extreme of saying I was making fake fart noises with my mouth. No one bought it.
The tragedy that took place that day, set a new tone in my life. From that day I vowed I would never again have an accident, I would become a fartless wonder. People would see me and wonder “Is she even human?”.  Years passed, and relationships come and gone, and in each of those relationships that have gone, I am proud to say that not once did I fart in the presence of another person. I even made a deal with my boyfriend when we first started dating, that we never fart in front of each other, because I was so traumatized from the unfortunate incident of ’87.
A few months ago we were on our way back from walking the dogs, him with Odin in tow, and myself with Luna. We entered through the back of the building and walked down the long hallway in the basement. I had a quick burst of energy that evening, and so I decided to race him to the elevator. Racing my boyfriend usually consists of me running as fast as I can until I get tired, or reach a checkpoint (in this scenario the checkpoint was the elevator), and my boyfriend basically just walks at his regular pace. I always end up winning, and he always ends up claiming that he wasn’t racing, but it sounds so me like he just can’t accept that I always win.
I am unsure of exactly how the event that unfolded took place, all I remember is that while I was waiting for Mr. Slowpoke to catch up, there was this incredibly loud eruption, it sounded like when you move a chair that you’re too lazy to lift so you kind of half drag it, and it ends up sounding like an injured Goose, but much deeper, and more amplified because apparently the acoustics in the basement of my building are incredible. The sound sent shockwaves down the hall and echoed it’s way down to the other end, to this day my boyfriend swears he saw and felt the floor move in the form of a wave. If that wasn’t bad enough, I heard voiced coming from the inside of people’s apartments saying “what the FUCK was that?!?” while my boyfriend was convulsing in laughter on the floor.
For a brief moment I felt like I was 9 years old again, a part of me wanted to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich, because not only did I fart in front of my boyfriend for the very first time in the 5 years we’ve been together, but it had rippling effects that were felt by pretty much anyone that was within a 50 foot radius. The other part of me started laughing for that exact reason.
So, as much as I’m sad to report that I can no longer walk proudly as the fartless wonder, and the fart seal in our relationship has most definitely been broken, at least I can say the way it was broken was pretty freaking epic.





so…i failed my challenge…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge, Life with tags , , , , , on May 9, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Ok, so I failed my 30 day writing challenge. I did learn a valuable lesson though, I learned that my weekends consist of jam packing 7 days worth of events into two, twelve hour periods. It was unrealistic of me to think I could successfully write for 30 consecutive days. Now I’m not saying that it can’t be done by anyone…it just can’t be done by me. I’ve always been the kind of girl who bites off more than she can chew, though so I can see how I’ve gotten myself into this kerfuffle.
I’m not heartbroken about it though. To be honest, it was getting to the point where I was forcing myself to write even though I didn’t feel like it, and that’s not me. I need to be in the mood, I need to have the passion to get me through the end of the post. If I don’t feel it all the way to the end, then it’s not worth my writing. Also, I’m not saying I’m gonna stop writing. It just wont be every day. So for those of you that were rooting for me, I’m sorry, but life is something that happens no matter what you do to avoid it. Believe me, I’ve tried avoiding it, I still am actually but my plan never seems to work.
Any who, happy Monday folks! Tune in next time when I talk about something ridiculous!


day 3: something i wish i was great at…

Posted in 30 Day Challenge, Life with tags , , , , , , , , on May 3, 2016 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I chose this topic for today, because lately I have actually been thinking about what things out there I am actually good at, I honestly wish I was great at ANYTHING else other than what I am good at. I wish I was great at cooking so that I don’t have to put the fire department on standby every time I want to eat a meal. For those of you wondering, yes, I have had to call the fire department while I was heating up a beef patty in the oven. I wish I were great at playing guitar, just like those people who can pick up their guitar anywhere and strum anything and it actually sounds musical instead of sounding like screeching chalkboard fingers murdered a cat who had his testicles chopped off. I know that sounds terrible, but it paints a picture true to what I actually sound like when playing a guitar. I wish I were great with math, instead of having to count on my fingers, then losing the count I had and having to start over again. Speaking of numbers, I wish I were great with money, instead of spending it on useless junk that I absolutely MUST have for no reason. I wish I were great at making things, so that I don’t have to go out and spend my hard earned money on the useless crap that I MUST have. I wish I were great at driving, (also not afraid of the other vehicles on the road), so that I could take my new Jeep out for an occasional spin around the block and not freak out every time I see a car. These are just a few things off the top of my head on what I wish I was great at.
Instead, I am great at things that are ABSOLUTELY useless. Like for example being difficult. I excel at being difficult. I am the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life. I am the biggest fan of devil’s advocacy you will ever meet, for absolutely no reason at all, and it’s because of that I have developed my difficultness. It’s horrible, my friends should hate me for it, but thankfully they don’t…yet.
I am amazing at crosswords, and not the actual impressive ones from the New York Times either, nope…no, I do the shitty ones that you find in local commuting newspapers. The only reason I am actually good at them is because they reuse their words and clues, so really I’m good at remembering, and before you get all supportive about my memory, I’m ONLY good at remembering those particular things because I’ve done so many they are permanently embedded into my brain.
I’m good at not spoiling the endings of shows/books/movies etc…big friggen deal, the internet ruins that anyway so I might as well spoil things. You think I would actually think that way but I don’t. I don’t even know why I’m good at this but I am.
It’s hilariously infuriating to live my life, sometimes I feel like I’m one of those background characters that you see in movies when someone is sitting at a coffee shop and they need filler characters to make it look like the coffee shop is real and has actual customers. Except I don’t even feel like the ones you can clearly see on camera…I’m the one at the very back that’s blurred out. That’s ok though, I hate myself on camera.
If anyone feels like sharing what they wish they were great at, I’d love to hear about it in the comment section!


Posted in Life, Love and Relations with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 3, 2014 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Happy New Year to all my fellow readers! I am truly sorry that I have not posted for a while. I have had quite a busy year though! For those of you who have not joined the facebook group “From the nuthouse, With love” I have two things to say, the first is…JOIN THE GROUP! I need more people in there!…the second is that it has been decided, the nuthouse will be on youtube this year! I’m super excited to make videos for all of you. The videos will consist of me, your friendly neighbourhood nutball talking/venting/ranting, as well as skits! and some other pretty random things…yes, I am conjuring up a team of dedicated actors/actresses (ok maybe not dedicated…and probably not even actors or actresses, just anyone willing to be on youtube really) to make fools of themselves for the purpose of making the nuthouse even more awesome 🙂
Because this is a new year, let’s all take a moment to reflect on some amazing things that have happened to us in 2013, and share it with your fellow inmates here! or on twitter…or in the facebook group! I will go first.
For me 2013 was full of amazing surprises, I’ve always been a big believer in love, but I never expected it to actually happen to me, I met the most amazing man. I would say he was the man of my dreams but in all honesty, even my dreams couldn’t conjure up someone as amazing as he is. In August we adopted a 3 month old Doberman/Lab/Sheppard/Husky puppy. She has the look of a Doberman with Lab ears and gorgeous blueish/white eyes (pix of her will be posted on twitter today so if you’re not following me yet, get to it! @casadelnutso), this was a super big deal to me because I’ve never owned a dog before but have wanted one my whole life. She’s freaking crazy, but I mean what do you expect when your mummy is not only the president of a nuthouse, but also a client, and daddy…well he’s crazy enough to date a gal who is a president/client of a nuthouse so…it’s safe to say we’re hilariously crazy little family now. Also, in mid-November El-Boyfriendo and I moved in together and now live in an amazing apartment together. So if you have all be wondering where the heck I have been, I’ve been going crazy!!! In the very best way possible!
Now that you’ve gotten a look at my 2013…Let us know what your best moments were in your world! I look forward to hearing from you all!

❤ The Nut

I’m too tired to title this anything…

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , on July 29, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Last night, I had some forces against me. I’d like to say that they were evil forces, however, I don’t believe they were evil. Pranksters is more like it. It all began with me falling asleep on my couch, which I have been doing lately because it’s cooler in my living room. I was watching t.v. Drank two bottles of water and then my top eyelids got heavy. So I did the natural thing and placed them ever so gently on my bottom lids. I must hand it to the bottom lids, they are pretty strong. I drifted off into my magical place, the place where I re charge, and get ready to face the wretched Monday that followed.
The first particular tom foolery was at 2:27 am . I was literally nudged by my bladder, I swear I think it even lifted me a little bit as though it was attempting to rid itself on its own but soon realized my body was too heavy. The sudden jolt it made woke me up from my sweet escape. I was so comfortable, so naturally I tried to fight it. I tried to give it the ol “Mind over Matter” story. I think that just angered it because at that moment I was forced, yes FORCED to get up, run to the toilet and release. Remember me mentioning how I drank two bottles of water earlier? Well that was my brian “Mind over Mattering” me! “No, drink, you’re thirsty” she said. I was reluctant because drinking before falling asleep is an iffy subject. My brain however, went into this whole shpiel about how my bladder is pretty strong and I don’t have tendencies to get up in the middle of the night etc..So I caved, and now look at me, awake at 2:45 in the morning just to urinate. I convinced myself that this was for the best because now I would be able to sleep comfortably. I lay back down on the couch. Very still, about to drift off for the second time that night, when I heard “CHSHHH CHSHHH CHSHHH”…I look across the room, my cat was in the litter box, no big deal I thought, 20 minutes later I’m still hearing that noise, I got up and knocked on the litter box. She had stuck her head out and telepathically said “Yes?” to me in an English accent. For some reason I always picture my cat having an English accent. “Could you keep it down in there? some of us have work in the morning!” She stared at me for a bit, gave me a quick nod “very well then” she sighed, I could tell she was displeased with my request. She turned around and went back inside.
I went back to the couch to lay down, I looked at the time, 3:05am. Still enough time before the dreaded 6:00am. alarm rang. Closed my eyes, all should have been silent, but it wasn’t. A sound, it was constant, it sounded like running water. I went to investigate the kitchen, nothing. The only other logical place was the bathroom. I walked in, flicked the light on. It was coming from my toilet. I jiggled the flush handle, the tank filled back up. All seemed right with the world once more.
They should offer this as a work out regime at a fitness club, back to the couch I went. About to fall asleep once more when that pesky “CHSHH CHSHH CHSHH” sound revisited me. I looked around to find my cat, she was curled up by my feet, cleaning her nether yeya’s. I telepathically asked her again to keep it down, to which she telepathically told me to get over myself, and went back to cleaning herself. It wasn’t her, I continued to scan the room in the dark. My rabbit. Apparently he has decided that 3:30 in the morning is a good time for him to move his bedding around, I got up once again, walked over to his cage. He stopped and looked up at me, “may I help you?” he asked (also telepathically, his accent is also English but more of the pretentious English). “Can you not do this sort of house keeping during the daylight hours? You’re making quite a ruckus!” He stared at me for quite a bit, moved more of his bedding around then stood up and looked at me again “I would darling but you see this sort of thing must be done consistently, otherwise…well we don’t want to find out what will happen now do we?” I thought about arguing his point but I was extremely tired, I went into the fridge and grabbed him a carrot, I waved it in front of him “if you want this carrot, you’ll put your business on hold til dawn”…he agreed to the terms and I gave him the carrot.
Somehow it became 4:00am, I lay down once more, I forced my eyes shut and told myself that no matter what I am sleeping through it, even if a hurricane appeared out of no where and my roof was blown off and all my belongings blew away. 4:00am turned to 4:30am. Which was when I again started to fall asleep, I felt my whole body relaxing, it was finally happening and I loved every minute of it! Then, “tick, tick, tick…” What fresh hell was this now?! “Tick, tick, tick…” It sounded like a clock, the second-hand of a clock. The only problem with that is I don’t own a clock, I have one form of telling time in my apartment and that is by looking at my cell phone. Where was this ticking coming from? It went on for so long it started to feel like the ancient Chinese water torture routine. I tore apart my apartment, looking for this sound. Just when I’d thought I had a lead on its location, it would move to the opposite end of the room. It was now 5:30 in the morning, my apartment literally did look as though a hurricane had passed through. I decided there was no point in actually falling asleep anymore because half an hour would do me no good. So I lay down and decided to just relax for this half hour before getting up. Silence filled my apartment, it was peaceful, I almost had a smile on my face. I was still a little on edge because I thought I might get interrupted, but I didn’t. My eyelids communicated to me that they were just going to rest the anvils they were carrying on my bottom lids once more, just to take a break…all was right with the universe. Then, “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”…my damned alarm.

The B.S. of C.S…

Posted in Life, Life Tips, Rants, Things that peeve me with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Wow, second day in a row, of posting. You must all be feeling incredibly fortunate. This post is something I just have to get off my chest because I’ve held it in far too long. One of the worst things in life, and I say one of, because believe me there are so many,  is walking into a store just to have a look around, and then being bombarded by different sales representatives making you feel like a dead carcass being swarmed by vultures. I realize they have jobs to do, and I realize that “customer service” is key to running a business. However I feel that over the years it’s been taken too far. Customer service, to me, means being respectful to patrons, and providing assistance when needed. Far too many stores, are paying far too many people, to now stand at entrances and greet people coming into the store. What is this doing for me? Well it’s not being respectful because it’s providing me annoyance because now I must have what ever thoughts in my head interrupted,  just to respond to someone who isn’t even being sincere with their greeting because let’s face it they don’t want to do it just as much as I don’t want to hear it. So I have to respond with a fake smile and a hello back to these people just so I don’t become the bitch that ruins someones day. Not that I mind being a day ruiner, however if I’m going to go to the extent of taking it to that level I’d like there to be more substance behind my reasoning for doing so. Although that would be pretty funny…It’s also not providing any assistance when needed, because at this point in the retail game, I haven’t even had time to form a question, because I haven’t had time to browse through your merchandise.
What’s even worse than that, is that it doesn’t stop there. You walk into the store, and start browsing because whatever was on your mind that you were looking for has escaped so now you begin the browsing process to sort of get yourself back on track. When another representative of the establishment comes at you just as soon as you pick up the first item and are ready to place it back on the rack because it’s not as interesting as you thought it was, with something along the lines of “Hi there, is there a specific size in that you were looking for?”  I have two problems with this question. One, no I was looking for a general size. Two, just because I pick something up to look at it doesn’t mean I am ready to buy it so get off my tits! Again, not to be rude because I know they are just doing their job I reply with “no thanks, I’m just looking”. No thanks, I’m just looking. That should be enough information for the eager little beaver that approached you, to take a step back and say, “Ok, if you need anything I’ll be right over here” This doesn’t actually happen though, what happens is, they look at that one item you picked up, and all of a sudden they become an expert on your style. “Oh if you like that then you’ll love this”. I don’t actually like that, that’s why I was putting it back, that’s why you shouldn’t just jump on people and let them come to you. At this point I usually put anything I picked up, down and walk out of the store because my patience wears quite thin in those situations, for those that are more patient it continues, and I walk away laughing calling them suckers.
What I’m trying to say, is that the people who are managing these stores, are putting pressure on the employees to provide better customer service, and constantly trying to improve the wrong things in order to make their business stand out to the public eye,  in turn these employees, which are making minimum wage,  have no idea what they can improve on because there is only so much they can do, so they are forced to get creative, which in turn, pisses off people like me that just want to shop, and not be bothered every two seconds.  Instead of improving on something like “better customer service” why don’t they try improving their products, because products that are really good will sell themselves. Also, no one needs store greeters. Thanks! Come again!


gimmie a break…

Posted in Life, Life Tips, Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on June 5, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Well folks, I’m back after a long break. I like to give myself breaks every so often. Well, realistically, I like to think of my life as one big break. When my break gets interrupted I get a little angry. Lately my breaks have been interrupted with work. Actual work. I despise actual work, because it’s just not something I want to do. I remember when I was just a wee nutball, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said myself, only taller. That goal was achieved, no one has given me any sort of medallion for it. No one has even ever given me a high-five. Which I find rather rude. They say the goals you set for yourself should be achievable, and realistic. What is more achievable and realistic then getting taller and being the best YOU you can be? It’s not as easy as one might think it is either, so don’t go thinking that I’m just being lazy. I mean there are SO many things out there that are willing to contribute to the stunting of your growth, it’s a task to stay away from those things. Situations in your life can even change you. How many times have you heard someone say “That girl over there, she’s such a bitch, she used to be nice but she’s changed”. It’s a constant struggle. Which makes the fact that I have achieved my goals, incredible! Now the growing part of the goal, I decided to amend it, and I’ve made it my goal now, to not get any taller. I’m quite happy with my height. I can reach for things, I can crawl under things. This height suits my lifestyle just fine. The being myself part, that’s all about maintenance now. I can put myself on cruise control and just ride.
No where did I ever mention I wanted to talk to complete morons for a living. Nope, not once, but here I am, doing just that. That is a major interruption in my life break. It consumes so much of my time, and believe it or not, dealing with a maroon uses up a lot of mental energy, because you have to protect the maroon. Almost as if we are not to harm the poor maroon, because heaven forbid the maroon is actually made aware of its stupidity. I mean really, if I were in that category myself (and who knows I just may very well be!) I would appreciate it if someone told me. Make me aware! So that I can learn not to be any longer! This is one of the biggest issues when working for companies I find. Everyone is so obsessed with offending the client, so no matter how much of a moron the consumer is, no one will actually say “hey client, that was really stupid of you” because they don’t want to lose that customer’s business. So they are basically being fake in order to keep that person as a client. Here’s the kicker, they want to develop a relationship with this person or company, make them feel comfortable, so they create a false environment, to go with their fake smiles, to make them feel like they are more important than any other client, and these consumer’s are such idiots, they just eat it up! The relationship is very important, with that I agree, however, if I ever decided to own my own company, I can’t see myself doing the fake thing. If I thought one of my shoppers did something stupid, I’d call them on it. What better way to build a relationship with a complete stranger, then to treat them like one of your friends! Friends call each other names, they insult each other, and that only brings them closer together. Why? because they aren’t holding anything back, they are laying out all the cards on the table, and it’s basically this is who I am, love it or leave it.
I hope you enjoyed business 101 from your one n only nut, now I must go on with the rest of my break and deal with more senseless interruptions, lucky for you folks, you’ll get to read about it later!

**For those of you looking to start your own business, please note that I have not put any of this into effect, and I cannot guarantee a successful business with this method. Therefore I accept no responsibility should you start a business using this method and fail. Nor do I accept responsibility for anything else unless otherwise stated.**