Archive for the Life Tips Category

my t.v. is out to kill me…

Posted in Life Tips, Random Thoughts with tags , , on June 10, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I don’t have cable, so sometimes when I look to the television for comfort. I pretty much don’t get any, my t.v. seems to be heartless. Maybe it’s angry at me because I haven’t gotten it cable? It makes me wonder if televisions want to be cable-ized. I mean if it had feelings, would it want to be watched? Or would it want to be left alone. In one way I feel that it would want to be watched because everyone loves attention sometimes, but on another note I think maybe it’s shy and doesn’t want to be stared at. Personally I think my tele isn’t that fond of me. I have a horrible habit of replaying the same ole’ DVDs. I’m almost sure it’s sick of them. It won’t even turn on anymore unless I walk up to it and sort of coax it into turning on, giving it a little side rub, and pushing it’s on button just right. I have a remote, but apparently that’s just for show. I mean if I want to change the volume and I don’t want to actually get up off my couch, I have to bang my remote a minimum of three times on my leg, and it has to be my leg, I can’t bang the remote on the side of the couch, or the coffee table because it actually won’t work. It has to be my leg, in fact I’m pretty sure that it’s my televisions way of beating me up. It can’t move, and it dosn’t have arms or legs, so it purposely refuses to change volume, and it set itself up so that it’s only my leg that will work.
Let this be a lesson to you all, treat your televisions with care, or this too, can happen to you. That is all.

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The B.S. of C.S…

Posted in Life, Life Tips, Rants, Things that peeve me with tags , , , , , on June 6, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Wow, second day in a row, of posting. You must all be feeling incredibly fortunate. This post is something I just have to get off my chest because I’ve held it in far too long. One of the worst things in life, and I say one of, because believe me there are so many,  is walking into a store just to have a look around, and then being bombarded by different sales representatives making you feel like a dead carcass being swarmed by vultures. I realize they have jobs to do, and I realize that “customer service” is key to running a business. However I feel that over the years it’s been taken too far. Customer service, to me, means being respectful to patrons, and providing assistance when needed. Far too many stores, are paying far too many people, to now stand at entrances and greet people coming into the store. What is this doing for me? Well it’s not being respectful because it’s providing me annoyance because now I must have what ever thoughts in my head interrupted,  just to respond to someone who isn’t even being sincere with their greeting because let’s face it they don’t want to do it just as much as I don’t want to hear it. So I have to respond with a fake smile and a hello back to these people just so I don’t become the bitch that ruins someones day. Not that I mind being a day ruiner, however if I’m going to go to the extent of taking it to that level I’d like there to be more substance behind my reasoning for doing so. Although that would be pretty funny…It’s also not providing any assistance when needed, because at this point in the retail game, I haven’t even had time to form a question, because I haven’t had time to browse through your merchandise.
What’s even worse than that, is that it doesn’t stop there. You walk into the store, and start browsing because whatever was on your mind that you were looking for has escaped so now you begin the browsing process to sort of get yourself back on track. When another representative of the establishment comes at you just as soon as you pick up the first item and are ready to place it back on the rack because it’s not as interesting as you thought it was, with something along the lines of “Hi there, is there a specific size in that you were looking for?”  I have two problems with this question. One, no I was looking for a general size. Two, just because I pick something up to look at it doesn’t mean I am ready to buy it so get off my tits! Again, not to be rude because I know they are just doing their job I reply with “no thanks, I’m just looking”. No thanks, I’m just looking. That should be enough information for the eager little beaver that approached you, to take a step back and say, “Ok, if you need anything I’ll be right over here” This doesn’t actually happen though, what happens is, they look at that one item you picked up, and all of a sudden they become an expert on your style. “Oh if you like that then you’ll love this”. I don’t actually like that, that’s why I was putting it back, that’s why you shouldn’t just jump on people and let them come to you. At this point I usually put anything I picked up, down and walk out of the store because my patience wears quite thin in those situations, for those that are more patient it continues, and I walk away laughing calling them suckers.
What I’m trying to say, is that the people who are managing these stores, are putting pressure on the employees to provide better customer service, and constantly trying to improve the wrong things in order to make their business stand out to the public eye,  in turn these employees, which are making minimum wage,  have no idea what they can improve on because there is only so much they can do, so they are forced to get creative, which in turn, pisses off people like me that just want to shop, and not be bothered every two seconds.  Instead of improving on something like “better customer service” why don’t they try improving their products, because products that are really good will sell themselves. Also, no one needs store greeters. Thanks! Come again!

 NutsRUs

gimmie a break…

Posted in Life, Life Tips, Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , on June 5, 2013 by fromthenuthousewithlove

Well folks, I’m back after a long break. I like to give myself breaks every so often. Well, realistically, I like to think of my life as one big break. When my break gets interrupted I get a little angry. Lately my breaks have been interrupted with work. Actual work. I despise actual work, because it’s just not something I want to do. I remember when I was just a wee nutball, I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said myself, only taller. That goal was achieved, no one has given me any sort of medallion for it. No one has even ever given me a high-five. Which I find rather rude. They say the goals you set for yourself should be achievable, and realistic. What is more achievable and realistic then getting taller and being the best YOU you can be? It’s not as easy as one might think it is either, so don’t go thinking that I’m just being lazy. I mean there are SO many things out there that are willing to contribute to the stunting of your growth, it’s a task to stay away from those things. Situations in your life can even change you. How many times have you heard someone say “That girl over there, she’s such a bitch, she used to be nice but she’s changed”. It’s a constant struggle. Which makes the fact that I have achieved my goals, incredible! Now the growing part of the goal, I decided to amend it, and I’ve made it my goal now, to not get any taller. I’m quite happy with my height. I can reach for things, I can crawl under things. This height suits my lifestyle just fine. The being myself part, that’s all about maintenance now. I can put myself on cruise control and just ride.
No where did I ever mention I wanted to talk to complete morons for a living. Nope, not once, but here I am, doing just that. That is a major interruption in my life break. It consumes so much of my time, and believe it or not, dealing with a maroon uses up a lot of mental energy, because you have to protect the maroon. Almost as if we are not to harm the poor maroon, because heaven forbid the maroon is actually made aware of its stupidity. I mean really, if I were in that category myself (and who knows I just may very well be!) I would appreciate it if someone told me. Make me aware! So that I can learn not to be any longer! This is one of the biggest issues when working for companies I find. Everyone is so obsessed with offending the client, so no matter how much of a moron the consumer is, no one will actually say “hey client, that was really stupid of you” because they don’t want to lose that customer’s business. So they are basically being fake in order to keep that person as a client. Here’s the kicker, they want to develop a relationship with this person or company, make them feel comfortable, so they create a false environment, to go with their fake smiles, to make them feel like they are more important than any other client, and these consumer’s are such idiots, they just eat it up! The relationship is very important, with that I agree, however, if I ever decided to own my own company, I can’t see myself doing the fake thing. If I thought one of my shoppers did something stupid, I’d call them on it. What better way to build a relationship with a complete stranger, then to treat them like one of your friends! Friends call each other names, they insult each other, and that only brings them closer together. Why? because they aren’t holding anything back, they are laying out all the cards on the table, and it’s basically this is who I am, love it or leave it.
I hope you enjoyed business 101 from your one n only nut, now I must go on with the rest of my break and deal with more senseless interruptions, lucky for you folks, you’ll get to read about it later!

**For those of you looking to start your own business, please note that I have not put any of this into effect, and I cannot guarantee a successful business with this method. Therefore I accept no responsibility should you start a business using this method and fail. Nor do I accept responsibility for anything else unless otherwise stated.**

Beware of FMS, it’s coming to a Nation near you…

Posted in Life Tips, Random Thoughts, Things that peeve me with tags , on December 5, 2012 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I haven’t posted in a while, I won’t tell you why because I feel that it’s important to keep the mystery going in this relationship we have here. Instead I’m going to keep you all wondering what it is this crazy nut does while not typing away ferociously on a keyboard til her fingers are bloody. I will however point out the obvious, and tell you that I’ve not posted in a while (twice). That being said let’s get to the core of this blogging session.
I’d like to talk to you all about a very serious matter. It seems to be infecting the nations, but not many people seem to realize it’s happening. I hate to be the one to break this information to the world, but it seems as though there is a brand new sickness out there. It’s rather tricky because the carrier of this disease will show no visible signs. You actually have to talk to the person in order to realize they’ve got it. The problem is though, if you are a carrier as well, you won’t realize that someone else has it, because it affects your brain and tricks you into thinking the other person is also being normal.
What on earth can this horrible disease possibly be? One might ask. It’s not an easy question to answer, as the medical profession has not yet become aware of this. I became aware of it long ago, however at the time I had only noticed it in extremely small doses, lately I have been noticing that more and more people have it, which is why I had to make this broadcast message. The term I like to use for it, is FMS (Fucking Moron syndrome). That’s right, there are fucking morons everywhere, and the only possible reason for there to be so many fucking morons out there, is if through no conscious fault of their own they’ve contracted some sort of illness. 
Now before you all get your panties in a twist, I want you to know, you…my followers, are all safe. You have the nuthouse seal of approval, because you have shown enough common sense to become followers. I worry about the rest though. So I ask all of you to give those you care about a dose of nuthouse.
**Please note I did not say to give them a dose of “NUTS” that could be very dangerous to those that are allergic**
Tread carefully my friends, and do whatever you have to do to ensure that my shit list doesn’t get any longer, cuz I’m running out of paper folks, and what happens when we run out of paper? The environment freaks out.
Thank you

sorry, wrong number…

Posted in Life Tips, Random Thoughts with tags , , on August 28, 2012 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I had a debate with a co-worker the other day, in fact, it was the very same co-worker (let’s call her “Rama” from this point forward) whom I shared my views with on the great fall. It all began with my ability to serenade the average folk at the snap of a finger. For those of you that aren’t aware, I excel at serenation, in fact, I’m so good that sometimes I get creative with my songs and just free-style the lyrics. Other times I just feel that the songs I sing are a little out dated, and therefore I update them.
That particular day my song of choice was the ever popular 867 5309/Jenny made popular in the 80’s by Tommy Tutone. However instead of singing the number mentioned, I sang, 462 7509. Immediately Rama jumped in and was quick to point out that the number I was singing was not the correct number. However, I begged to differ. Now when I “beg to differ” on any subject it is important that people pay attention to my reason, I don’t just walk around this planet begging to differ on any and every occasion. I take pride in my ability to do this and I only do it when I feel it needs to be done.
The way I see this situation, is that the number 867 5309 was probably Jenny’s phone number back in the day. This Tommy Tutone character was so infatuated with Jenny that he wrote a song about her, thinking he would be romantic and sweet. However when the song became a hit, Jenny probably got a lot of phone calls from the general public. At first she may have thought it was kind of neat, but I’m sure the novelty wore off quite quickly. I know if that were me, I would definitely be annoyed, most likely a lot sooner than our dear Jenny. She stuck it out as long as she could though, even she had a breaking point though. Eventually her number was changed because the calls were getting scarier and starting to freak her out. Now I’m not saying that 462 7509 is her correct number, it’s just a random number that I pulled out of my head. My point is that 867 5309 is probably wrong too.
So what have we learned from reading this post? That we should all make sure to update our phone/address books on a regular basis…

crazy little thing called fear…

Posted in Life Tips with tags , on July 23, 2012 by fromthenuthousewithlove

I choose my victims wisely. It’s not an easy task as one might think. Spotting that one person that has a low enough self-esteem to listen to everything I want them to believe. It’s amazing how even those people who come across as confident fall victim to me though, once my full charm comes into effect. Low self-esteem is not the only thing I prey on, it is by far the easiest and doesn’t use up too much of my energy because they’ve already done the prep work for me. However, I like being challenged as well. It gives me more strength when I succeed. Satisfaction even. I know you’re all thinking that I am such an evil creature, but realistically you’ve got your job to do, I’ve got mine. It’s nothing personal against any one person in particular. It just so happens that we are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and our positions just so happen to clash. Sometimes I’ll even use some of you to aid me in taking down another one of your own. Again, nothing personal, it’s just how it works.
It’s funny because when you really look at our situation, yours is the stronger being. I only exist because you allow me to. Your mind creates me, and your thoughts feed me and help me grow. The more I grow, the weaker you become. Well, not really, but it’s my job to make you think you’re weak. It’s sort of a “Jedi Mind-Trick” type of process. Suddenly you’re pulling your hair out over something that normally you wouldn’t have thought twice of, but now no matter what something will go wrong either way, you’ve become unsure and start second guessing your thoughts, your ideas. Eventually the littlest things will consume you. The more consumed you get, the more power I have. It gets easier for me to do the larger I become until one day I won’t have to do anything at all. That’s when I know I’ve won. I sit back and watch you destroy yourself, your life. You stop doing things you dreamed of, you stop having goals, which leads to you feeling as though you have nothing to live for. You lose your energy and your will, you stop trying…at everything. Your spouse/family and friends will try to help you through it, but you won’t care anymore.

It’s rather ironic, because if only you’d believe in yourself with that same zest and energy, I would have never come into being. Now you have no one to blame but yourself…

 

what do you want?…

Posted in Life Tips with tags , on December 21, 2011 by fromthenuthousewithlove

As much as I hate my job with all the hateful passion hate has to offer, it does occasionally provide me with little insights and helpful tips to get you through life that I can share with my fellow readers. Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that these insights get me through the day, but they aid me in helping YOU get through yours. Yeah, I know, I’m a regular sweat friggen pea, shut up it’s my Christmas gift to you.
We all want things, but we rarely get what we want. Why is that? Doesn’t it seem as though everyone and their grandmother (s) are getting more of what they want than you are?? Are you tired of watching everyone else around you bathe in happiness because they got what they wanted? Is this starting to sound like an infomercial for something you want? … (On a side note the infomercial is one of the most entertaining ‘mercials’ ever created. I can’t wait until I’m inspired to blog about them).
I study people for a living, I don’t get paid for it mind you, but I do it none-the-less, it sort of passes the time while I’m working. Every phone call I receive, every human interaction I make, I notice reactions, emotions, expressions, tones, accents…everything. Sometimes I am having an extremely boring day, and I feel I have to stir things up a bit, so I create conflict. It’s all good though! One thing I have come to notice in my day-to-day work adventures, is that in order to get what you want from someone, is to just talk faster. No need to raise your voice, or call them names…just increase the speed in which you project words from your mouth. How do I know this works? Simple. In studying people and dealing with conflicted individuals, I have put my theory to the test. Any irate caller that has come my way that couldn’t tell his head from his ass has always had this speed talking factor in common with the next. What it does, is it creates a blur of words for the listener, therefore impeding the listener’s ability to hear everything, the listener catches maybe 3 or 4 words in total, and it’s usually important words like “executive” or “voicemail”. This technique allows the irate moron to continue speaking without interruption, and without interruption, the irate moron cannot be told he/she is wrong by the listener. The end result, the listener usually gets tired of listening to the irate moron, and for the sake of shutting him/her up, does whatever they want to make them happy…well, except for me…since discovering this approach, I have come up with a routine of my own in which I use to render theirs useless.
I can’t tell you what it is though, if I did, then I’d stop getting what I want.
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you like your gift.

xo
The Nut 🙂