the “hate-it” list (volume 1)…

I noticed the other day, that I hate a lot of things. I don’t just mean a general dislike, I am not one of those people who uses the word “hate” lightly, when I hate I actually do so with every fiber of my being. I actually HATE so many things, so I decided to make a list (Oddly enough I love making lists, I just hate when I can’t remember what to put on the list!) of all the things that I hate. When I began feeling the early symptoms of carpel tunnel, I knew it was time to stop. I hated that too. I also hated that I made this list without having anything to do with it, so I’ve wasted my precious time. Which is why I now have to share with you the first 2 items on the list (note that they are not in any particular order, they are all hated equally), because I took the time to write it, the least you can all do is take the time to read it! If you’re unlucky enough, I’ll make a volume 2. I would have added them all in this one blog, but unfortunately I have a life to live.

1. Lemons: Before you go on jumping to conclusions, let me just say that it’s not the sourness that I hate. That is actually their one redeeming quality. If lemons only issue were that they were sour, we would get along quite nice. I would even go so far as to purchase lemons and make them a part of my life, but alas, life is not forgiving at times. Sometimes life likes to take things a step too far, which I imagine is where the term “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” began coming into effect because people started adding lemons to meals and beverages claiming to give their food a bit of zest, or a little kick. Do you know what happens to foods and beverages when you add a squirt of lemon juice, just for flavour!? War happens. An unfair war to be precise. You see, inside a lemon, live one million little tiny flavour burst soldiers, I like to call them “flavourettes”, when you squeeze a lemon onto your food or into your drink, you are actually squeezing these flavourettes onto your food. Their name may sound cute but these little bastards are mean and they break down your food molecules with their even tiny-er, but still very powerful, squirt guns of lemonic (notice how it is quite similar to demonic) destruction. Your meals and beverages do not have the man power to defend themselves against this attack. All they can do is wave the little white flag of defeat. The little white flag quickly turns yellow, the flavourettes have won, so now when a bite or sip is taken, all you taste is the vile victory of lemon.

2. Winter: Why is this even a seasonal option? I would actually like a word with the inventor of winter. I want to know who thought it would be a great idea create this horridness and call it a season. Hey, let’s lower the temperature to -19, and that’s not bad enough let’s get these nice lemons and rub them on their open cold sores by throwing in massive amounts of wind chill so that the temperature drops to -47. Then let’s raise the temperature up to -7 for 3 days straight, get them nice and used to something mild, only to slap them with ice storms and blizzards. The only thing worse than winter itself, is the people who say “Oh, I love winter!, when it’s summer there’s only so many clothes you can take off to cool down, but in winter you can layer up to stay warm”. Yes, once you’re naked you cannot further undress, but there are only so many layers one can add-on before you start feeling like a marshmellow, and then starts impeding you’re ability to bend and move, and therefore contributing to further de-circulization of the blood cells causing your body temperature to drop further because you have no more blood flowing and increasing the risk of hypothermia and the like. Also, I feel I should mention this seeing as it is a hate post, anything that I normally hate throughout the year, is multiplied by 100 in the winter; and I hate math so imagine how that makes me feel.

I’ll let these sink in before, I flood your brains with anymore.

Hah! That rhymed, I’m tired, peace out!

Advertisements

3 Responses to “the “hate-it” list (volume 1)…”

  1. Another funny article of yours that put a smile on my face. I do like your writing style.

  2. enjoyed thoroughly the way you described the actions of a lemon..so creative n interesting. Waiting for the 2nd volume of this blog..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: