I’m too tired to title this anything…

Last night, I had some forces against me. I’d like to say that they were evil forces, however, I don’t believe they were evil. Pranksters is more like it. It all began with me falling asleep on my couch, which I have been doing lately because it’s cooler in my living room. I was watching t.v. Drank two bottles of water and then my top eyelids got heavy. So I did the natural thing and placed them ever so gently on my bottom lids. I must hand it to the bottom lids, they are pretty strong. I drifted off into my magical place, the place where I re charge, and get ready to face the wretched Monday that followed.
The first particular tom foolery was at 2:27 am . I was literally nudged by my bladder, I swear I think it even lifted me a little bit as though it was attempting to rid itself on its own but soon realized my body was too heavy. The sudden jolt it made woke me up from my sweet escape. I was so comfortable, so naturally I tried to fight it. I tried to give it the ol “Mind over Matter” story. I think that just angered it because at that moment I was forced, yes FORCED to get up, run to the toilet and release. Remember me mentioning how I drank two bottles of water earlier? Well that was my brian “Mind over Mattering” me! “No, drink, you’re thirsty” she said. I was reluctant because drinking before falling asleep is an iffy subject. My brain however, went into this whole shpiel about how my bladder is pretty strong and I don’t have tendencies to get up in the middle of the night etc..So I caved, and now look at me, awake at 2:45 in the morning just to urinate. I convinced myself that this was for the best because now I would be able to sleep comfortably. I lay back down on the couch. Very still, about to drift off for the second time that night, when I heard “CHSHHH CHSHHH CHSHHH”…I look across the room, my cat was in the litter box, no big deal I thought, 20 minutes later I’m still hearing that noise, I got up and knocked on the litter box. She had stuck her head out and telepathically said “Yes?” to me in an English accent. For some reason I always picture my cat having an English accent. “Could you keep it down in there? some of us have work in the morning!” She stared at me for a bit, gave me a quick nod “very well then” she sighed, I could tell she was displeased with my request. She turned around and went back inside.
I went back to the couch to lay down, I looked at the time, 3:05am. Still enough time before the dreaded 6:00am. alarm rang. Closed my eyes, all should have been silent, but it wasn’t. A sound, it was constant, it sounded like running water. I went to investigate the kitchen, nothing. The only other logical place was the bathroom. I walked in, flicked the light on. It was coming from my toilet. I jiggled the flush handle, the tank filled back up. All seemed right with the world once more.
They should offer this as a work out regime at a fitness club, back to the couch I went. About to fall asleep once more when that pesky “CHSHH CHSHH CHSHH” sound revisited me. I looked around to find my cat, she was curled up by my feet, cleaning her nether yeya’s. I telepathically asked her again to keep it down, to which she telepathically told me to get over myself, and went back to cleaning herself. It wasn’t her, I continued to scan the room in the dark. My rabbit. Apparently he has decided that 3:30 in the morning is a good time for him to move his bedding around, I got up once again, walked over to his cage. He stopped and looked up at me, “may I help you?” he asked (also telepathically, his accent is also English but more of the pretentious English). “Can you not do this sort of house keeping during the daylight hours? You’re making quite a ruckus!” He stared at me for quite a bit, moved more of his bedding around then stood up and looked at me again “I would darling but you see this sort of thing must be done consistently, otherwise…well we don’t want to find out what will happen now do we?” I thought about arguing his point but I was extremely tired, I went into the fridge and grabbed him a carrot, I waved it in front of him “if you want this carrot, you’ll put your business on hold til dawn”…he agreed to the terms and I gave him the carrot.
Somehow it became 4:00am, I lay down once more, I forced my eyes shut and told myself that no matter what I am sleeping through it, even if a hurricane appeared out of no where and my roof was blown off and all my belongings blew away. 4:00am turned to 4:30am. Which was when I again started to fall asleep, I felt my whole body relaxing, it was finally happening and I loved every minute of it! Then, “tick, tick, tick…” What fresh hell was this now?! “Tick, tick, tick…” It sounded like a clock, the second-hand of a clock. The only problem with that is I don’t own a clock, I have one form of telling time in my apartment and that is by looking at my cell phone. Where was this ticking coming from? It went on for so long it started to feel like the ancient Chinese water torture routine. I tore apart my apartment, looking for this sound. Just when I’d thought I had a lead on its location, it would move to the opposite end of the room. It was now 5:30 in the morning, my apartment literally did look as though a hurricane had passed through. I decided there was no point in actually falling asleep anymore because half an hour would do me no good. So I lay down and decided to just relax for this half hour before getting up. Silence filled my apartment, it was peaceful, I almost had a smile on my face. I was still a little on edge because I thought I might get interrupted, but I didn’t. My eyelids communicated to me that they were just going to rest the anvils they were carrying on my bottom lids once more, just to take a break…all was right with the universe. Then, “BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”…my damned alarm.


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