this means war…and peace…

I arrived home yesterday after work, prepared to attack. I had realized that after 2 days of painful day to day tasks, I could not continue this life anymore. I walked in the door, closed and locked it behind me, which set the tone of “I mean business”.
I had to prepare my strategy. There were many questions I had to take into consideration. I quickly ran down the checklist. Who was going to assist me? I took a deep breath because I realized I was going at this alone. What would be my weapon of choice? I tore the place apart, cleaning products would not be appropriate in this situation, hairspray would also do no justice, I decided to steer clear of my usual provisions as they would do more harm than good. I opened cupboards, pots, pans…completely unsuitable. Opened my dresser drawers, tops, underwear, and an old favorite t-shirt that I thought was gone forever. I put it on, just in case things didn’t go my way, at least I’d have done things fashionably. I shuddered at the thought that things could turn out quite badly, but only for a moment. I couldn’t afford to back down now. After 20 minutes of tearing the place apart looking for appropriate weaponry, all I found was a pair of tweezers. I came the conclusion I was wasting valuable time, I would have to do this with my bare hands, but the tweezers made for a decent back-up plan. Where would the battle take place? I had to scout out the perfect location for attack. I searched outside, through my tiny windows, too many people around, I couldn’t afford to risk others in this mission. It would have to be done in the confines of my underground lair. I decided on the bathroom, it has excellent lighting and it’s small, normally I would go for a place that was not well lit, to avoid being seen, however this particular operation did not require my presence to be camoflaged. I take advantage of these situations when I can because its quite rare. Why was I put on this assignment? Because the culprits need to learn that it’s not ok to do harmful things to people for no reason. I was put here to ensure these things don’t happen again. How will I accomplish my task and defeat the enemy? I would have to use the strength, will, courage entrusted in me from the Gods. With great power comes great responsibility, which is why I am the chosen one. Finally, When will this battle take place? Judging by the symptoms of the attack I realized it would have to be immediate, if not sooner. It could not be put off any longer.
Once I had laid all my groundwork, I quickly assumed my position. Prepared for the worst, I charged towards the miscreant with an irreversable strangle-hold. I had hoped that, that would have been that, however I lost my grip because I became too cocky too quickly, it hastily fired back with a jab to my leg that almost immobilized me, the pain it caused spread quickly all over my body, my legs collapsed, and were no longer usable. I so badly needed a time-out, but in war, you don’t get a time-out. Something you learn very quickly in this field of work. Keep moving, breathe through the pain.
It was at that moment I remembered the tweezers, they were in the bedroom. My legs at this point were limp noodles, completely useless. I army-crawled my way to the dresser, hoisted myself up, and was attacked again in the exact same spot. This time the pain completely blinded me, I let out a scream that some what resembeled that of a large raging mythical character that gets hit in his shoulder with a tiny arrow, and then pulls out the arrow, and becomes enraged. Like that character I became a raging beast. I felt for the tweezers, grabbed them and fell to the floor.
My sight came back due to my anger meter being completely filled, and I had my victim in my sights. Adrenaline was pulsing through my veins. Tweezers in hand, I dove in, gripped it, and pulled that damn ingrown hair out, roots and all.
Victory was mine for the night.


One Response to “this means war…and peace…”

  1. All through the blog I kept searching for the answer “war with whom” and down the way I got to know! the writing was full of suspense and hooked me till the end..

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