this means war…and peace…

I arrived home yesterday after work, prepared to attack. I had realized that after 2 days of painful day to day tasks, I could not continue this life anymore. I walked in the door, closed and locked it behind me, which set the tone of “I mean business”.
I had to prepare my strategy. There were many questions I had to take into consideration. I quickly ran down the checklist. Who was going to assist me? I took a deep breath because I realized I was going at this alone. What would be my weapon of choice? I tore the place apart, cleaning products would not be appropriate in this situation, hairspray would also do no justice, I decided to steer clear of my usual provisions as they would do more harm than good. I opened cupboards, pots, pans…completely unsuitable. Opened my dresser drawers, tops, underwear, and an old favorite t-shirt that I thought was gone forever. I put it on, just in case things didn’t go my way, at least I’d have done things fashionably. I shuddered at the thought that things could turn out quite badly, but only for a moment. I couldn’t afford to back down now. After 20 minutes of tearing the place apart looking for appropriate weaponry, all I found was a pair of tweezers. I came the conclusion I was wasting valuable time, I would have to do this with my bare hands, but the tweezers made for a decent back-up plan. Where would the battle take place? I had to scout out the perfect location for attack. I searched outside, through my tiny windows, too many people around, I couldn’t afford to risk others in this mission. It would have to be done in the confines of my underground lair. I decided on the bathroom, it has excellent lighting and it’s small, normally I would go for a place that was not well lit, to avoid being seen, however this particular operation did not require my presence to be camoflaged. I take advantage of these situations when I can because its quite rare. Why was I put on this assignment? Because the culprits need to learn that it’s not ok to do harmful things to people for no reason. I was put here to ensure these things don’t happen again. How will I accomplish my task and defeat the enemy? I would have to use the strength, will, courage entrusted in me from the Gods. With great power comes great responsibility, which is why I am the chosen one. Finally, When will this battle take place? Judging by the symptoms of the attack I realized it would have to be immediate, if not sooner. It could not be put off any longer.
Once I had laid all my groundwork, I quickly assumed my position. Prepared for the worst, I charged towards the miscreant with an irreversable strangle-hold. I had hoped that, that would have been that, however I lost my grip because I became too cocky too quickly, it hastily fired back with a jab to my leg that almost immobilized me, the pain it caused spread quickly all over my body, my legs collapsed, and were no longer usable. I so badly needed a time-out, but in war, you don’t get a time-out. Something you learn very quickly in this field of work. Keep moving, breathe through the pain.
It was at that moment I remembered the tweezers, they were in the bedroom. My legs at this point were limp noodles, completely useless. I army-crawled my way to the dresser, hoisted myself up, and was attacked again in the exact same spot. This time the pain completely blinded me, I let out a scream that some what resembeled that of a large raging mythical character that gets hit in his shoulder with a tiny arrow, and then pulls out the arrow, and becomes enraged. Like that character I became a raging beast. I felt for the tweezers, grabbed them and fell to the floor.
My sight came back due to my anger meter being completely filled, and I had my victim in my sights. Adrenaline was pulsing through my veins. Tweezers in hand, I dove in, gripped it, and pulled that damn ingrown hair out, roots and all.
Victory was mine for the night.


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