what do you want?…

As much as I hate my job with all the hateful passion hate has to offer, it does occasionally provide me with little insights and helpful tips to get you through life that I can share with my fellow readers. Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way saying that these insights get me through the day, but they aid me in helping YOU get through yours. Yeah, I know, I’m a regular sweat friggen pea, shut up it’s my Christmas gift to you.
We all want things, but we rarely get what we want. Why is that? Doesn’t it seem as though everyone and their grandmother (s) are getting more of what they want than you are?? Are you tired of watching everyone else around you bathe in happiness because they got what they wanted? Is this starting to sound like an infomercial for something you want? … (On a side note the infomercial is one of the most entertaining ‘mercials’ ever created. I can’t wait until I’m inspired to blog about them).
I study people for a living, I don’t get paid for it mind you, but I do it none-the-less, it sort of passes the time while I’m working. Every phone call I receive, every human interaction I make, I notice reactions, emotions, expressions, tones, accents…everything. Sometimes I am having an extremely boring day, and I feel I have to stir things up a bit, so I create conflict. It’s all good though! One thing I have come to notice in my day-to-day work adventures, is that in order to get what you want from someone, is to just talk faster. No need to raise your voice, or call them names…just increase the speed in which you project words from your mouth. How do I know this works? Simple. In studying people and dealing with conflicted individuals, I have put my theory to the test. Any irate caller that has come my way that couldn’t tell his head from his ass has always had this speed talking factor in common with the next. What it does, is it creates a blur of words for the listener, therefore impeding the listener’s ability to hear everything, the listener catches maybe 3 or 4 words in total, and it’s usually important words like “executive” or “voicemail”. This technique allows the irate moron to continue speaking without interruption, and without interruption, the irate moron cannot be told he/she is wrong by the listener. The end result, the listener usually gets tired of listening to the irate moron, and for the sake of shutting him/her up, does whatever they want to make them happy…well, except for me…since discovering this approach, I have come up with a routine of my own in which I use to render theirs useless.
I can’t tell you what it is though, if I did, then I’d stop getting what I want.
Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you like your gift.

The Nut 🙂


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