the battle of Moses and Vitamin P…

I spent from about 10:00PM last night til around 1:30AM on the hunt. I noticed the pesky little bugger around 9:45PM but didn’t think anything of it because I was occupied in conversation. Once I got myself all ready for bed, the thought crept back into my mind, “there’s a mosquito on the loose in here isn’t there??” and the memory came flooding back to me, I began having visions of this beast feasting on my blood while I slept peacefully. Those visions began turning into nightmares, that mosquito was waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab its blood sucking device on my skin, I searched high and low for this creature of the night, I kept thinking I saw it but it was either a shadow or nothing at all, it was driving me mad! I hadn’t even climbed into bed yet, and I knew if I didn’t do something about this situation I wasn’t going to sleep at all.  Something had to be done, this horrifying insect could be sending out a mating call to its other mosquito friends saying “Attention mosquito posse, I have found new vacation cottage, it’s quiet and it comes with food!” …to which I thought, over my dead body! Then visions of thousands of mosquitos feasting on me and sucking me to a dried up version of myself came into effect….I had to do something!
Now I have no experience in catching mosquitos, and I checked the good ol’ internet in hopes of finding some insight, however all I could find was how to get rid of multiple mosquito’s, this was not useful as I didn’t have an infestation I just wanted to set a trap so I could squish the living bejesus out of it and rest easy knowing my blood won’t be sucked dry for when the morning comes. I searched my place for some provisions, while doing so I instructed Lint (my cat) to be on guard…she just kept laying on the bed staring at me…not even blinking…which made me think maybe they got to her? I had to act fast!! I grabbed a wooden spoon from the kitchen and a plastic bag, I fastened the plastic bag to the wooden spoon to form some sort of net-like device, and of course my trusty bottle of cleaning liquid, this time I used one called “Mean Green” because I felt the name was fitting for what was about to take place.
It was now midnight, and still no sign of him…so I made a cup of coffee. I figured he was testing my endurance, I knew his game, and I had a feeling I was far better at it then he would be, I’m a veteran at this…easy peasy! I poured my coffee into my favorite black and white polka-dotted mug, and proceeded to add creamer and sugar…I almost poured the Mean Green cleaner into my cup but I caught myself in time! I wasn’t aware that mosquito’s had Jedi mind-trickery skills. He almost got me, but failed, I laughed at him and shouted “try again asshole!!” No response, but I know he heard me.
I was getting antsy, after only 3 cups of coffee my eyes were still starting to close, I felt like I needed toothpicks to prop the lids open, however I have never owned toothpicks in my life so that option was out of the question. I went to check my iPhone for the time, dead battery…he must have drained my battery during the time I almost put cleaning product in my coffee, it became clear to me that this was no ordinary mosquito, I was obviously dealing with the super-hero of mosquitos, I needed to collect my thoughts. I checked the microwave for the time, 1:25AM. I grabbed my cigarettes leaving my provisions behind as I couldn’t carry everything, and proceeded outside to have my smoke. Once I reached the top of the stairs I turned on the outside light and opened the door…I saw him while I was unarmed holding the door open…he flew by me and as he flew by me we stared at each other and it was almost as if I could read his thoughts…”this isn’t over…Moses will return” and he flew out and disappeared into the night…

With him now gone I quickly shut and locked my door, I understood now that mosquitos speak in third person and now knew his name, at least now I can put a name to my arch nemesis. I figured the ciggy was unnecessary at this point, I could sleep easy for one more night.


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