creepy crawly conspirators…

I haven’t posted in quite some time and I know that you are all banging your heads on your keyboards in frustration of not having any reading material from yours truely. A few things have happened in my life which normally I would write about, however I’d rather steer clear of the black hole for now. I am back up and running though, with more thoughts and pet peeves, hatred and ammunition then ever! so please, pass me a beer and put my feet up I’d like to stay awhile.
Rain…we seem to be getting alot of it this year.  I wish I could say I regret to inform you of this, however, I really don’t because it needed to be done! You see, I have had the unfortunate experience of having to murder innocent “little” arachnids as they have been invading my living space on numerous occasions these passed few months. As we all know, or maybe just some of us know, according to some old wive’s tale, if you kill a spider, it will rain…I’m not entirely sure of the connection there, but connections were made none the less. Anywho, I dislike invasions. I understand that my living space was built on what was formerly their land…but the way I see it is, if a house was built, then that should let the spiders and other insects know that that part of the ground is off limits. It’s just common sense, and courtesy. I guess they don’t teach that in their educational system.
After careful research (and by careful, I mean by wearing my ninja suit which consists of helmet, oven mitts, 2 aprons one on the front one on the back, a bottle of windex or any type of cleaning product that is handy and a shoe as my armour) I have come to the conclusion that perhaps the arachnid culture works similar to a mafia or motorcycle gang, you kill one of their own, they come and kill you. Which is exactly what they are doing! They are coming for me…one at a time…but still, it’s enough to keep me awake and armed at night. Which is all fine and dandy (longlegs…sorry I couldn’t resist hehe) but  I feel that their reason for coming to kill me is all one big understanding, and if they could just learn to read, or speak, or perhaps both then maybe I could communicate and clear things up with them once and for all!
What would I say to them one might ask? I would simply tell them that I now occupy the space that they have been so used to frequenting, and I would also explain that they can tell because there are no trees or grass so that they don’t continue to make the same mistake. I would also tell them that their relatives were killed because it was a natural reaction when someone is being invaded.  Then we would have a chuckle at his/her embarrasment and life would be good again…and I could put up a big sign saying “this is a human occupied zone…keep off!” and future invaders would see it…shrug their shoulders and turn to a different route.
I hope to one day be able to achieve this little scenario…until then I must go back to headquarters and come up with different ways of protecting my turf…I figure if I switch it up once in a while it confuses them…wish me luck!




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