leave a message after the beep…

Voicemail. A large majority of the world now uses this nifty little feature. It’s a simple device that was designed to store a recorded message of whatever you would like to say to the person you are trying to reach, while they are unreachable. Now I don’t know the details of how voicemail was designed or who created it, but the beauty of voicemail is that you don’t have to know all the little details to use it. I have always assumed it was idiotproof, but alas, I have been proven wrong. Working at the job I do has been a constant reminder of how many people really don’t understand the concept.
I receive at least 10 calls a day because there is apparently far too much confusion…and most of them, go something like this…
**Phone rings**
Me: **** Can I help you? (please note that the **** is not a censored version of the word fuck, if I want to say fuck, I will just say fuck, I just blocked out the company name because well, I’m not getting paid to advertise)
Caller: Hi can I speak to Ronald McDonald? (Excuse the name, I’m craving McDonald’s right now…mmm…)
Me: One moment please I’ll transfer you

*Caller is then transfered to the person of their desire, in this case its Mr. McD, he is not at his desk, therefore his voicemail comes on and says “Hi you have reached the voicemail of Ronald McDonald, I am unavailable to take your call at the moment, please leave your name and number and a brief message and I will return your call as soon as possible. Thank You.” BEEEEP*
**Phone rings again**

Me: **** Can I help you?
Caller: Yes, you just transfered me to Ronalds line…
Me: Yes, was his line not working..?
Caller: No no, it was working fine, I just got his voicemail…
Me: Oh, did you leave him a message?
Caller: No.
Me: Did you want me to try someone else for you?
Caller: No, I want to speak to him.
Me: Well, if you received his voicemail chances are he is unavailable to take your call at this time, as stated in his voicemail message…
Caller: Oh, well is there a way I can leave him a message? I have a cheeseburger emergency…
Me: You could leave him a message stating your emergency, and a name and number to call you back on and I’m sure he will return your call as soon as he can.
Caller: Ok yeah, that’s a good idea.
Me: One moment I will transfer you back to his line.

Now…if anyone reading this dosn’t see where I am going with that scenario above…then you unfortunately fall into the category of the people I am talking about.  Not to worry though, one of the many reasons the universe has put me on this planet, is to help you… Help me, Help you, that’s my motto but I do reserve the right to make fun or be rude about it. I feel it’s fair, because well let’s face it, I’m not getting paid for it so I need SOMETHING to get me through it. Don’t try and change the subject by calling me mean, rude or insensitive, I will write a blog on all of those things at a later date and we can hash it out then.
Right now I want to focus on the task at hand. Getting these people on a track, dosn’t matter if it’s the left one or the right one at this point because any direction is a good direction for them.
Ok. So, how do we handle this situation?….yes the above route is one way, but that way just pisses me off, and I will then have to create a file in my brain and call it “most useless person ever”. That file will increase in size rapidly and I will then have to unleash on you much quicker then normal (See my “Don’t make me tell you off” blog posting), things will get ugly. I don’t like ugly things, so let’s try to avoid the creation of that file.  
Our second option, is quite intriguing…are you ready for it?…ok, here it is…leave a message after the beep, the first time…WOW! now that’s a plan if I ever heard one. What a concept! Leaving a message, and not calling back the number and having an irritating conversation with the receptionist that will only get you to leave a message anyway…and the best part is…you thought of it yourself! Now that’s using your head!

It’s a tough life folks, it’s a good thing you’ve got a nut like me to guide you through it :)…


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